The Seven Deadly Sins and In Defense of Arachnids
The Seven Deadly Sins
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once paid such low
interest on my cash
and investments that I bought it.
higher interest to myself
and have become richer
than Croesus or
is a gentle,
Woudst that I could write tranquilly
without her unbelievably
noisy bloody high-pitched
woman she is.
Charity queen last year.
Helps place disadvantaged orphans,
aid handicapped men like me, but
all I want to do is
get into her
Iím full up to
pussyís bow. Oh, OK--
a small fifth helping then, thank you.
just regurgitate to fit in
the Black Forest gateaux
with the whipped cream
I have the skill
to write such clever verse
groaning with philosophical
each time I take up my pen to
record these thoughts I find
I just canít be
say that I am
a clever scholar and
a fast learner. But itís not that
be entirely honest with you
and admit the plain truth.
I am just brill
So heís got cash
and a pretty young wife.
So what if heís got a top job
and a chauffeur-driven Lexus?
Do you think that I care?
Who needs that crap?
In Defence of Arachnids
a Spenserian sonnet
I admit my legs are long and hairy,
that I scuttle to and fro with no sound.
That having eight eyes is weird and scary,
and with dire toxic poisons I abound.
But for kinder reasons I am renowned.
For example, my cuisine is benign
for to flies and mosquitoes I am bound.
On these harmful pests Iím programmed to dine,
leaving your abode as pure as a shrine.
My lace creations adorn your ceilings
shimmering, and complex as any wine.
I beg you, reconsider your feelings
and take a spider to your heart today.
Aspire not to yet another cliche.
John Irvine is an Old Aged Pensioner with delusions of immortal failure and a cynical view of life. He has a mole under his left arm, and a wife who hates pizza and tripe,. He hopes to die painlessly one day without warning. He has a volume of poetry, recently published by Zenith Publishing Group (www.zenithpublishing.co.nz) of New Zealand, called Man of Stone. It has been positively reviewed in Takahe magazine by Raewyn Alexander, and in Valley Micropress by Tony Chad. Heís pathetically grateful for that. He also has a web site where you can waste some time: www.cooldragon.co.nz. He has been published in a number of print and online magazines, including Australian Reader, Wicked Karnival, Sam Smithís Select Six, Stylus and Magazine, and now in the truly amazing Noneuclidean Cafe.
Photo "Lusty" by Bella Dante.
Poems Copyright © 2006 John Irvine. All rights reserved.
Photo Copyright © 2006 Bella Dante. All rights reserved.